All Hallows Eve

I wouldn't go out on the streets round my way if I were you. Not tonight anyway.

Capital

The week Lancaster City Council learnt that the capital of Iceland is not Reykjavik, it's about £3.50

Bigfootitis

Bigfootitis? Well, it involves being chased around the grounds of a Silesian Sisters nunnery by groups of children demanding to be given one of the three magical ingredients which, when mixed into a potion with the correct incantations, can cure this highly contagious condition. Alternately Bigfoot is either friendly and helpful or mean and surly and sets challenges for the groups to complete, in return for which, they are given magic shiny buttons. Other helper/challengers roam the grounds and can be approached to give challenges in reward for more shiny buttons. When a group has garnered twenty buttons, they are entitled to approach Bigfoot and offer him the buttons in return for one of the three potion ingredients. When all the ingredients of the potion have been obtained they can then make up the brew to give to Bigfoot to cure him from of Bigfootitis and return him to human form.

Well, there you have it, except in this instance when they had gathered all the ingredients they couldn't be bothered to make the potion and give it to Bigfoot. Tch! Woodcraft Folk eh? So, if I meet any of you puny humans this week you just better cut and run unless you've a bag of nice shiny buttons for me. Mmmmm....buttons!

Blue Skies

Ben and I are off for a weekend in the wilds with the woodcraft folk. Apparantly I have to be Bigfoot in the wide game.
Blue Skies then.

Ha, as if.

The Purple Torpedo

Reading about the arrival of The Blue Kitten has made me go all broody.

Ridiculous I know but it brought back so many memories of that oh so little, vulnerable, wriggley, squirmy thing of all soft newness that would snuggle into my chest and go to sleep for hours on end.

The pre-match report went something like this:

Early Thur Eve (due day Friday)

SWMBO - No, I'll be fine, off you go and play the ceilidh booking.
Clod - OK *packs guitar and amp into car* You sure?
SWMBO - Yeah
Fri 1am
Clod - *unpacks guitar and amp from car*
SWMBO - Ow ow Owwwwwww OOO Ow Ow - I'm going to have this baby TONIGHT!
Clod - Er.....
SWMBO - double Owwww Oh OO ow.
Clod - Er..........*NCT (national childbirth trust) training kicks in* *rings maternity unit (MU)*
MU - You'd better come in.
1-3am
Nervous pacing up and down corridor. Manly holding of hands and patting on back type encouragement ala NCT training. Clearing away of vomit bags etc etc
3am
SWMBO - *climbs into birthing pool* *avidly sucks gas and air* La la lar le la lee la lee lar lar.....
Midwife - *takes away gas and air* I think that's quite enough of THAT...
SWMBO - Give that back NOW!!! La Lee la lee Lar Lar - Owwwwww ow ow ow ow ow ow owwwwwwww La la la lee le lee la Owww Owwwwwwwwwwwww
5am
Midwide - I think we'd better have you out of there if the next few pushes don't do it.
SWMBO - *grits teeth* *grips clods arm (still have the bruises) and the side of the birthing pool* *pushes like hell*
5.25am
SWMBO - FIRE ONE!!!!
Ben - Whooshes into the birthing pool like a purple torpedo aiming for the Bismark. (he still lives life like this)
Midwife - Makes grab for torpedo and just manages to catch it before head detonates into side of birthing pool thus flooding out all of the delivery suit.
Clod - Nice one!
Midwife - *goes to cut umbilical*
Clod - Er....can I do that?
Midwife *hands scissors over with deeply skeptical and surprised expression* Oh...allright then.
Clod - *snip*
SWMBO - Ooooh, that were well ard!
Clod - So were you chuck, well done!

Technical Support

This is where your calls go when you need technical support!

Seriously Cool Kit

I'll say goodbye now just in case when they switch this thing on in the morning a hungry black hole is generated and we all disappear up the backside of Switzerland before we've had our first cup of coffee. Not how I would want it all to end I must say and I think the chances are vanishingly improbable; but just in case, I love you all to bits.

If it doesn't, I hope they find a Higgs boson and lots of other dimensions where lots of gardeners tend lots of allotments all over the multiverse.

It is seriously cool though, running at −271.25 °C normal operating temperature; just a tad lower than yer average English summers day.

Dermatophagoides pteronyssinus

Ben tested positive at the allergy clinic to the house dust mite which is why we spent a good part of the day stripping and damp dusting his room and removing all the books, curtains, carpet, shelves etc etc. Tomorrow some very very nice men will arrive and lay a laminate floor. We will clean out and damp dust all the drawers and the wardrobe and the computer. Every week we will put his bed linen and clothes in the freezer for 24hrs before putting them through a very hot wash. We will have to buy allergenic mattress covers, an air purifier and a vacuum cleaner that actually filters and retains all the crap instead of just blasting it back out of the bag into the air. We will keep his room at -10C summer and winter and play Sibelius at 120db. Now I am just getting silly. SWMBO and I are not the most houseproud people in the world preferring to spend time up at the allotment rather than pratt about dusting stuff. It's an increasing problem though isn't it with more and more children developing this and other sorts of allergies at rates of knots. Why why why? It is very depressing. A single square yard of carpet can contain up to 100,000 mites and I won't even mention how many your mattress can hold. I am going to twat each and every one with my mitey hammer I am. *sigh*

bathtime

Our girls do not quite grasp the greenhouse concept, they see it as a nice warm sheltered spot where heavenly dust baths are to be had between the cape gooseberries and the tomatoes. To be fair, in this weather where else will they find soil dry enough? I have indulged them, big softie that I am.

Duck Cuddling Season

The duck cuddling season gets under way up at Clodhoppers.


Behind Matty is the new shed I've built for them in which they cuddle up at night with the eight Sussex Whites; all very cozy. The whole point of building Chikkin Knox is to prevent the devastation of finding all our birds ripped to shreds by Mr Fox (who seems to be still around). It is mostly finished but I think there are a few weak points where a very determined fox may be able to find it's way in. With weather like this though, it's very difficult to finish the job; in fact, it's very difficult to do anything: the place is a quagmire. If todays forecast is right, by the end of the weekend the whole plot will be a river of mud. We gardeners are not happy bunnys right now!

Amande's Bed with BOF Alert

I was quite flattered to be asked to
join the mens book club and saw it as
a chance to escape for an evening from
the pit of domesticity in which I seem
to languish overlymuch. This is
entirely my own fault, I hasten to
add, and is cogently explained in
several chapters of learned tomes of
post-natal male psychology. To cut to
the chase, I have become a mature,
intellectually complex, elder
statesman Boring Old Fart.

Oh well, we can't be young forever I
suppose though the list of things I
miss about being young seems to get
longer by the day. The lithe,
muscular torso with six pack (in the
fridge); the wiry ectomorphic energy;
the ability to stay up all night
playing music and still function the
next day. I don't need to go on; or
rather, I do need to go on but it just
gets more difficult as time goes by.
C'est la vie. Anyway, as it turns
out, both nights the group has chosen
to meet up so far have been on nights
when I have been on shift and can't
go. You see, life conspires against
one does it not? The next meet too is
on a night when I am at work and so I
will miss the pleasures of a
testosterone fuelled - preferably even
wine fuelled - deconstruction of John
Aberdein's first novel "Amande's Bed".

On the other side of the coin, it may
be safer to be at work rather than be
exposed as an intellectual lightweight
with the critical abilities of a
nematode. That's just my inferiority
complex showing though - reference
several other chapters of above
mentioned psychological manuals.


Maybe I should just attempt a written review to help bolster my flagging confidence?

Chikkin Knox

This is one of the East Indian Black ducks. They are extremely shy and wouldn't say boo to a goose. They live inside Chikkin Knox at the moment where I have built them a nice cozy warm shed which they completely ignore, preferring to stay in the corner hiding under a pallet, and out in the main bit I have made them a pond to frolic about in but they are too shy to explore it yet.

This is Chikkin Knox. We have built it to protect our girls from the nightly predations of Mr Fox. Unfortunately it also appears to be Chikkin proof......der.

Summer Fugit

Blimey! Is it that long? Very little time for blogging as every minute, like every day, is getting shorter and shorter. We have been busy building Chicken Knox which is a fox proof (we hope) run for the tribe which has now increased to 13 hens with the addition of 8 Sussex Whites and 2 beautiful East Indian Black ducks - the most beautiful ducks in the world.

I don't think much of August though: so this one post is all it's getting.

Delicio!

Now guess who grabbed the first tomato of the year. He did though divide it into three more or less equal portions each of which was declared delicio! Yipee!

Davros

Science fiction is just so fantastic. All you have to do is reverse the polarity of the flow of something or other (in a monolithic crystal matrix of course) and BAM! They, (the baddies), are all toast or scrap metal or whatever it is they're made off - scrap anyway. Go Doctor!

I had severe doubts about Ms Tate as the Doctors sidekick. Seemed a strange idea to use someone who was so well known in another genre and (forgive me) someone so mature as well. I warmed to her though.

Davros is just a memory now - cheers, you old Greek Island you.

recovered meat

I'm at work and i've just eaten a meal of recovered meat. I don't think it had recovered properly though. Now i feel ill :-((

Big Brother House

No, not the one full of self-serving air heads and der brains. You will have to pay me a LOT of money to watch a single episode of that!

I suppose we all sign up to the idea of wanting to enable the elderly, disabled, sick or vulnerable people in our communities to live as full and as independent lives in their own homes for as long as this is possible. A part of what I do involves helping make this a reality.

More and more of the solutions being developed involve a technological 'fix' to the obstacles encountered.

For example. These are the things we can now monitor and respond to remotely about a person in their own home using what are called 'Telecare' solutions.

You can have:

Bed/Chair Sensor - provides an early warning by alerting that the user has left their bed or chair and not returned within a preset time period.
Enuresis Sensor - Placed between the mattress and sheet, this sensor provides immediate warning on detection of moisture.
Epilepsy Sensor - monitors the user's vital signs to detect a range of epileptic seizures.
Fall Detector - Detects falls
Medication Dispenser - Detects if you've had your pills.
Movement Detector: for example, to check if a person has got out of bed or visited the kitchen.

Pressure Mat - Monitors movement in a specific area, for example to monitor if someone has got of bed or left the house.
Property Exit Sensor - monitors for people leaving a building at unusual times of day or night. Carbon Monoxide Detector - Warns of dangerous CO levels.
Flood Detector - does what it sais on the tin
Gas Shut Off Valve - When combined with the natural gas detector, this cuts off the gas supply to an appliance when a leak is detected.
Natural Gas Detector - Provides an early warning of dangerous levels of gas. Can be linked to the Gas Shut Off Valve to cut the gas supply off.
Smoke Detector - does what it sais on the tin
Temperature Extremes Sensor - Monitors for low and high temperature extremes.

In addition to this various medical sensors can monitor Heart rate, blood pressure, peak flow, oxygen saturation, ECG, temperature, prothrombin time, blood glucose levels........

You know what, call me a simpleton....but how about a sensor that says they've had a caring cuddle or a nice cup of tea and a chat with someone who loves them?

question

What makes lettuce leaves taste bitter more or less as soon as they go to seed?

that'shallot

Things have taken a bit of a battering in the wind and the rain. The shallots are just falling out the ground because of the earlier dry spell.

some you win, some you lose.

midsummer.....hah!

We've probably planted too many courgette plants this year. This one is trying to take over the greenhouse.

Ben at work....



and at play.......he is trying to take over the New Rope String Band. Probably will.

'...what do you mean Davros is back! Impossible....call the Doctor'!