26 March 2006
Been stuck inside with the sickies all week & going a bit stir crazy. Ben running very high temp with bad chesty cough and now Cathy gone down with it too. Luckily I had some annual leave which had to be used up before April first anyway and so I get to play nursemaid. But you know how it gets when you can't get out of the house for days at a time.....brain starts to go even funnier than usual. Which sorry tale brings me to stuffing cereal.
You have to offer sick kids food even if you know it's not likely to get eaten. So come breakfast time you put out the cereal (doesn't really matter which one, they all end up as reinforced concrete anyway) and Ben bless him does his best but there is nearly always half a bowl or more left. Now you would think that after years of being a semi-intelligent responsible dad that I would know what to do with a bowl of half eaten cereal. The sad truth is I don't. Mostly I put it on the drain board and hope it will go away. It never does. For hours it will sit there taunting me every time I come into the kitchen to brew up.
The obvious solution is to eat it. Forget it, it aint gonna happen. You can tip the milk in the sink and put the soggy residue in the trash. You can tip the whole lot down the sink and then spend half an hour twirling it around with a finger trying to persuade it to go down the damn plughole all the time thinking pretty soon this is gonna backfire and the trap and wastepipe will go on strike. And, there's the bit that refuses to go down the plughole whatever you do and it'll sit there all day going Ner ner nernerner didn't get me. You can take it into the garden and feed it into a border behind a bush surreptitiously checking the neighbours windows to make sure they're not watching and going 'look what the useless numkin is doing now'. This is even more embarrassing if you're a hard man like me wearing dayglow yellow kitchen gloves which I do because I get eczema if I don't boo hoo.
Now this IS (temporarily) satisfying. Take the lot upstairs and tip it ala Bruce Willis (die hard cereal killer II) down the pan and use your self-loading automatic pump action cistern to flush it to the oblivion all such badness deserves. If you're a crap actor like, say, Roger Moore you would likely add some completely inane and obvious aside like 'cheerio cheerios' or, 'well, he was a bit flaky anyway'.
Ultimately, non of these solutions feel right. Why not? Is it just me? Should I see a shrink? If anyones thought this through and knows the right and proper thing to do (no, we don't keep chickens, pigs, dogs, cats, marmosets or anything else), please post the answer or the number of a functional therapist.
Boy oh Boy do I NEED to get out the house and go Clodhopping. I was gonna plant spuds and dig some more this week and now look at me. Whinge over....nightall.