Carl on Troubled Waters

Is it clod, enjoying a moment of tranquil meditation? Nope, it's Carl Fuerman, and Carl is going to stop the hundreds of thousands of barrels of crude oil pouring into the Gulf of Mexico from the stricken Deepwater Horizon Rig.

He is going to do this through the power of meditation, believing that if enuf people visualise the closing of valves and the activation of the blowout preventer then the 200,000 gallons of oil a day spilling out into the Gulf will be shut off.

"I'm very known for fixing things and making things work," sais Carl, adding that he believes his meditation helped fix a friend's Flip video camera. "I visualize things working and hold the belief that they actually work."

Well, good luck with that one mate, but I think you've set the bar for your magical thinking a tad high on this occasion. Why not start off with a drippy tap and see how that goes? You just visualise the cracked washer disobeying all the known laws of physics and creating new material out of nothing and repairing itself. Should be a cinch. Let us know how you get on.