25 January 2011

eden & horseradish

I went to the Garden of Eden in the early 70’s - having steamed up the Shatt al Arab waterway. That’s the one they’ve been arguing about ever since the Shi’tes and Sunnis fell out in the 7th Century. It was dodgy then and is even dodgier now: one side or the other is bound to arrest you for straying across an invisible border.

We got off at Basra where the security guards were smelly and looked threatening. Lizards and heat and me crawled up the wall while they fingered passports and wondered if they could clap us in jail for something. Eventually we realised they just really really needed some dinars to oil the wheels of international diplomacy. Baksheesh.

Don’t know what bought that to mind today. Anyway, I do remember it was rubbish: a few date palms, some scrubby grass and lots of sand. I wouldn’t trade my allotment for it. There wasn’t even a shed. And some stupid rule about not eating apples. Bollocks. God was a perfect allotment committee chairman but a lousy landlord. Now if he’d said, “don’t eat the horseradish”, that would’ve made sense. I could understand that.

Horseradish is rubbish. Yeughhhh!



[pic of rubbish horseradish]

3 comments:

looby said...

Ha ha, I have just this minute spread the offending root (in its suace form) over my potato salad. I think it's delicious!

Associating sin with apples was quite a go-ahead idea I think. God wanted children to have their five a day, so encouraged children to think of fruit as naughty and illicit.

clodhopper said...

horseradish infidel! I don't think he was shit hot at reverse psychology, "don't eat that apple!" Hell, it's like saying to a woman "you can't afford that dress!!!"

elizabeth said...

haha, laughing at the comments. (: