11 September 2006

External Auditors

The external auditors arrived on Saturday, (from Cobden Cobden & Cobden in Chesterfield), heavily disguised as Gravy Grandma and Grandad Beard. Ben worked really hard tidying up for the plot inspection in the hope of a glowing report or maybe rising up the allotment league tables a bit.

‘Wait’, you say, ‘they don’t have allotment league tables!’ ‘Ha’, sais Clodhopper, ‘just watch…..New Labour isn’t finished (quite) yet.’

Auditor 1 recoils nervously at her first sight of a Mangold. ‘Is that thing loaded’?

Auditor 2 swiftly whips out a 4 litre box of Cabernet Sauvignon…’We must stay tonight and eat this mangold to be on the safe side’.
‘To be on the safe side of what’?

The External Auditors are made to pick their own dinner….. spuds there beans there beets there leeks there and lettuce there getonwithit, whichtheydo. They then dissapear to go and watch Watford play Bolton (big mistake – Bolton win with a last minute penalty)……so we head on home to cook the pickings and drink the wine.


Cathy cooks THE most fabulous allotment meal and the Auditors visibly cheer up.

Then it is our turn to dissapear to play for a dance leaving the Auditors to read bedtime stories to Ben which they do nightnightsleeptight.

The roasted mangold is SO
delicious we wonder why it is only grown as a fodder crop….seems ridiculous but I bet no one has seen one in a shop….have you? Don’t take my word for it……can heartily recommend you grow some next season and try it out and not just for hurling either!

We get back from the dance after the witching hour and the auditors have become so cheerful they go to bed.

8 comments:

Petunia's Gardener said...

Ah yes, food does help with those auditors... now if my tax variety would only bring the wine we'd all get along charmingly. Sounds like a lovely evening was had by all.
Thanks for telling the rest of the story over PG! DH is quite fond of this new persona.

Rebsie Fairholm said...

Ah, I always wondered what mangels tasted like ... they look like golden beetroots but I assumed they tasted horrible. I really ought to try some. Did you taste them before or after the 4 litres of wine?

clodhopper said...

Hi Rebsie.......during....but it didn't affect the taste, they really are good and worth a go. I think it's a bit like the French perception of parsnips, they won't touch them because they're considered a fodder crop wheras we brits like them. The mangel tops are also (like beetroot tops) also delicious done like spinach.

Simply Living said...

Do you mean mangle worzels that are grown in some of the fields where I live?

Where did you get your seeds from please.

Had a great time reading your blog - hilarious.

Molly said...

Mangolds, or Mangels as I think they are called on this side of the pond, are really just sugar beets, aren't they? I've seen them get roots 2-3 feet long, by which time they're too fibrous for consumption by anyone except ruminants and the giant mechanical presses in the sugar factories. I'm not surprised to find that they are tender and quite edible when they're still small.

Molly said...

Mangolds, or Mangels as I think they are called on this side of the pond, are really just sugar beets, aren't they? I've seen them get roots 2-3 feet long, by which time they're too fibrous for consumption by anyone except ruminants and the giant mechanical presses in the sugar factories. I'm not surprised to find that they are tender and quite edible when they're still small.

clodhopper said...

Hi Simply Living.....glad the blog gave you a few chuckles. Wurzels it is. The seeds we got we got from the Heritage Seed Library http://www.gardenorganic.org.uk/hsl/index.php
Do they have a mangel worzel throwing competitions still where you are?

cheers.....the clod

Hi Molly....yes, they're basically the same thing....same family and all that, though maybe the variety is different for processing into sugar.

Auditor 1 said...

Auditor replies:
extensive testing proves sound investment. Parboil mangold,small turnip,parsnip,carrot; fry small onion with crushed garlic and place with bare covering of vegetable stock & majoram in roasting dish,(at this point the colours are exquisite - marbled butter-cup yellow in the mangold, orange of carrot, white of turnip,cream of parsnip and dark red of onion), top with mixture of wholemeal breadcrumbs, parmesan cheese and parsley and dot with butter. Bake for 40 minutes. Delicious - mangold has the flavour of delicate, non-staining beetroot. Alternatively treat as for a Spanish omelette with similar mix of root veg and thyme. Tests completed without the aid of alcohol.
Tomatoes and leeks also passed stringent tasting tests - particularly commend the flavour of the tight small bulbs of the leeks.
BUT urgent request from GG for recipes for Hedgerow Jelly etc to use crab apples and damsons. By post please because no broadband.
Certified GG & GB